All starts a new

It's been more than 1 week since the day started 2010.. is quite a late post.. well, with the most lame excuse i have is lazy. haha. however, its going to be an exciting year and time for me. im really looking forward for this coming season of my life. there are somethings that i am still not sure. there are still blind spots and imperfection. but that is what makes it beautiful...

The previous year was quite an adventure with most of the thgs that i've experience... i treasure them all together with the good and bad. im sorry for those mistakes i've done but it will not be a block for me to this coming year. i shall not live on those mistakes but with the mistakes will i be more stronger. may be... may be i could be...

Its going a great journey with you. with all that we've been through. still hanging on. each day. each moment. anywhere but here without you... you lighthen my life. you bring my heart with joy and everyday i will look forward to be with you. yea i know is true. i rather be anywhere but here without you...

alrite... its going to be short blogs from now on.. haha... not much to write. however, Happy New Year 2010 to all...

with all blessings and love...

Joshua

=)

Anywhere...

Happy?

Another semester flies...

the answer is yea... haha... finally semester ends... time to pack up, clean up, refresh abit... relax and ready for the next and coming up semester...

things have been going very fast this year... some ups, some down... well, i've gain as well i've lost. some of the things that i've lost. i've never regret cuz sometimes is just letting go and moving on. however, i would not specify each thing here... haha...

cell group had some major changes which really get us tough going but like my dad always says "the going gets tough but the tough gets going". W13 is not gonna stop there cuz there are much more to do and we're not doing it for ourselves or someone. bt is for God and his purposes in our lives. personally, is hard to see a fren leave but sometimes there may be a better plan for him which is given by God. perhaps he have a better future ahead that we should be happy for him. however, cell group gonna emerge this season. perhaps, is time to rise... EMERGE RISING... haha...

thanks for the juniors which reli being a reli gud and caring friends when comes to study... although i have my bad attitudes at times... argh! i will slowly improve on that...guys, remind me if i do those attitudes again... haiz.. my next year resolution again... anyway, they have been a great encouragement to me when comes to study... haha...

Extended semester was not easy actually... being away from your own classmates makes me feel left out... however, i gain new friends, new experience, new understanding, new knowledge that really open my eyes to see that actually there are lot more things that i've not yet gain. ^^

apart from that, this semester being not reli healthy with some of the health issues... i guess i have to buck up on that. well, taking more minerals, vits and healthy diet and not relying on breads... haha.. still, i guess i nid to gain weight... anyone has any idea how? or perfect way to gain weight or watever.... i try slping n eat but it dont work on me.. gym? exercise? games? weight gain? hmm...

other than that... nothing much.. haha.. no changes in relationship status ... wakaka... the rest is still the same... cant predict much though... wakaka... well, expecting the unexpected... =)

now i can oni wait for results and pray hard that i can pass without even a supp this time.. i would wan a rest without coming back again and paying for supp... argh... but i still have to come back for attachment... aduih.. ok... attachment briefing is in 1 hour time.. better get ready..... chaos... =)

You are not alone...

Give & Love?

slpy already but somehow still have the left out 5 mins battery to blog abit bit.. hehe... gonna slp after reading word.. well, today was a kinda fun and nice day... i like the thing where pastor preach about giving... it was a inspiring message to me. "you can give without love but you canot love without giving." i had always love this phrase.. haha.. somehow it relates to give and love. as we enter this coming season of giving... it is actually more importantly, it is the season of LOVE.

Love is one of the thing that we think and talk everyday. sometimes is hard to figure and explain love. but love sometimes is so simple that it can be found in any innocent heart of a child. it can be complicated that it relates to everyone, everything and somehow it is the most POWERFUL thing.

God says Himself is LOVE. thus, Love is God. nothing is bigger than God. Thus, nothing is bigger than LOVE.

How wonderful that we had LOVE in us. How wonderful that we had God in every one of us. it is always part of us. but sometimes we just dun accept the part of it because of rejection, hatred, anger, frustration, dissapointment...

I know is not easy to show it how much it meant to us. it can be express in different matter, manner and ways... but i will show it by offering myself...

alrite.. my brain says times up... i shall continue next time.. haha... nites guys...

Give out of Love~ *peace*

Give...

WARNING: Rough and Bumpy Road Ahead!!!

i know i shouldnt be posting anything at this time cause i should be studying hard... well, my brain is freeze after studying whole day and having backache the same time. haiz.. duno wat happen... trying my very best to continue determining and focusing on the subject but keep distracted by the pain... =.="

well, things are going up hill now... we gonna reach the top of this semester very soon. finals are coming and everyone are pressured. is not an easy journey... not an easy task.. however, we still nid to overcome it. there will be difficulties ahead. some of us may face the "WALL" that's been stopping them from moving forward. some will go through... some unlucky ones... will not... (i hope im not that person... xD)

it all depends on this moment of preparation.. whether u are ready for the challenge or not. is crucial but is not everything. it requires hard work, discipline, determination, focus and intellegence.

STUDY HARD but STUDY SMART.

is easy to say that but not easy to do that.

frustration, dissapointment, giving up, last minute preparation, laziness, lame excuses... etc etc... is not a choice for now...

Being pressured and study hard now... however, there's a limit. human are not perfect. we nid rest. and REST is still the most important among all the requirements. Health is one crucial thg that we should maintain all the time. but we tend to neglect it all the time and take for granted and showing those "is ok lah" attitude. well, sad to say IS NOT OK. unfortunately, MOST of the time, when we realise how important it is to us... is TOO LATE... so please... take care my fellow friends... dun spoil urself... =)

alrite... times up... i guess thats all for tonite... will continue soon. i hope to blog more often to relax myself and release some of the CVS and BIOCHEM and DNC here... thanks for reading... chaoz..

=)

1 more week to go..

i mustn't give up yet... is not too late... gogogo... *_*

sorry for not being posting anything for so long... kinda tired n busy with stuff.. and... will share as soon as possible. =)

I need a CHANGE!!!!

i love this song...

Love u ~ T A Y L O R ~ <3





Here is the official video of the song :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDHaXiG7ksE


http://twitter.com/taylorswift13

Subscribe to taylor!!! =)

Some pictures of pneumathorax me...

After Procudure.. going to slp already.. but actually i wear this thg terbalik.... =.="

tired face and still in the same dress after a long day...

This is where the doctor puncture my lungs.. quite a small hole actually...

After recover...



The top one is where the mistake is and the bottom is where the drips is given..
quite painful though..

Spontaneous Pneumathorax

this is the first time i was admitted to hospital and done a procedure live at myself.. sry the story very long but i just nid to tell the whole story here... hehe. if u wan to know the summary just ask me la. =.="

well, as some of u have known that i had pneumathorax last few days and i have been complaining about chest and body ache as well as muscle pain.. it started on a saturday nite at home before i was going to bed.. well, i tot is just another muscle cramp or wat... but it was quite serious and painful.. so i tot is just nothing...

the next day, the pain goes on until nite.. i sense that it is just nothing really normal anymore... so i plan to go for a doctor check later at nite at HUKM.. caleb brought me there and really thank him that he would still willing to fetch me though it is his sunday which is his day off... =)

However, took me around 1 and a half hour to go through everything.. and the doctor oni says that is just muscle cramp... so i just took an injection intramuscularly at my BUTT. i was given voltaren IM + tablets + antacids + muscle relaxant. i was thinking that it will be fine after that. however, i was wrong...

the next day, there is still pain at my chest area. i knew i was not convince with the doctor's check anymore... thank God for It seang which offer that he will be doing a medical check up on that day. so, me, it seang n jonanthan all 3 went for a medical check up... it seang is for his check up for his flu condition, jonanthan is for his stomach problem...

we went to register at the public clinic and i was checked by Dr wong. she was quite patient and busy at the same time because of loaded of patients...i told her my condition and she was worrying that i would be diagnose of PNEUMOTHORAX. but she need a X-ray for comfirmation. however, it was almost their (the nurses) time to go back due to puasa. they (the nurses) have to go back on time. i quickly went to the X ray room but it was closed so i was ordered to take a x-ray at the A&E (accident and emergency) department.

the x-ray was quite high tech.. it oni take me few seconds just to take a shot from the back of my chest area. one thing i am quite impressed is that everything is computerise already.. or may be im too outdated. haha. i dont need to bring anything but just myself back to the clinic and they will be able to see my scan everywhere in the hospital as long as they have my patient ID. cool rite?

after went back to Dr Wong, i was diagnose as pneumothorax as she show me my left lung was slightly collapse... about less than 20%. she explained to me that it is not serious but however they will need to do some procedure to take the air out of the pleural cavity between my lungs and my rips. it may take sometime. immediately, i was asked to step out and wait for my "SPECIAL" treatment to be wheelchaired to the A&E department for treatment. haha. it was quite an experience. i would have to be wheelchaired because normally pneumothorax patient are not able to walk and breath properly.. however, my case was mild..

as i was entering the A&E, i was brought into the operation theather on a bed and it was scary to see alot of sick people with different sickness and all the people just scares u. i was not sure wat i saw but alot of things just flash through my mind and i was quite nervous. it was my first time entering. then, the doctor came up to me and check my breathing and lungs. he explained to me again my situation and wat they going to do. he try to calm me down but however, i get even nervous when another young doctor tries to puncture my veins for blood test and drips at my left hand.

the first trial for the veins was not successfull and he would have to take the second time... i was totally freak out as it was quite hurtful. i would oni bear it and tell myself... just hold on...the worse thing is that he did a mistake and he have to puncture my veins again...and my hands was tied with the surgical glove and starting to turn purple.. he let go and tries again after my hand turns red again...this time it hurts even more... =.=" however, he succeed...

then i was left there for around 1 hour. the doctor came back with few more doctors and ask me some questions like "how are u feeling? are u feeling breathless? is it painful when u breath... etc etc" as i was bearing the pain on my left hand... LOL i was given the oxygen mask n required to take oxygen throughout the procedure. then they went off and discuss just about 10m away in front of the computer with my lung x-ray. i tink they were discussing how to puncture my lungs and wat method to do. at the same time, they were discussing with the specialist on phone.

after a while, the nurse come with the ECG and took off my shirt for stick some of the ECG thg on my chest and put something on my finger which i didnt like the feeling. i didnt know wat is that but watever. then i was feeling very very nervous and chill as the air con was really cold.. and i am half naked over there.

then, there is 2 trainees gurls (one malay, one chinese) came over to ask my condition as they are doing their practical perhaps. they were 4th year medical student in the A&E department. they came to observe the condition. it was at least i get to talk to someone to calm me down as i was almost going to freak out in that condition. but i get more calm after some time...

very scary instead... the doctor came back after around 1 hour and going to start the procedure. he gave me sign a letter of aggreement. then he came back with a big needle and escorted by another woman doctor. both of them seems to be the senior doctors and the 2 trainees. on my left is still the young chinese doctor who poke wrongly at my left hand.. haha.. he assist the senior doctor in the puncture of the lung..

the senior doctor came back and explain to me about the safety triangle which is between the anterior and posterior region of the rips and there is less blood vessels and nerve tissue at that area. which is suitable to be puncture. if i would be punctured anteriorly or posteriorly it will hurt alot... however, he did it at the side below my armpit... thank God i got countable rips that he can count my rips between the 4th and 5th rips and he apply some Local anaesthetic

the begin by giving me the local anaesthetic and the needle was HUGE!! my eyes nearly pop out when i see that.. but i didnt want to see when he poke me.. but i could feel it but immediately the anaesthetic effect was there and i could feel the numbness. then the young doctor began to give me saline at the drips area and it was quite painful at 1st but the second shot he gave was too fast and really hurts... he said sorry but i replied... "is.... o..... k...." then the senior doctor began to puncture the lungs and i couldnt see it.. but he keep asking me "do u feel the prick?do u feel the prick? do u feel the prick?" my eyes closed and not thinking of anything.. of cuz i wouldnt reply him.. =.="

but when i open my eyes n look.. the needle + a valve + big syringe + big tube connected to a big beg... i nearly pengsan looking at it.. it was pretty scary when u see someone poking ur lung with a big needle beside u and he started to pull the syringe... i was breathing very fast and i could feel something sucking towards my right when u pull the syringe... it was pretty scary... i could oni closed my eyes and say "God, HELP ME..!!!!"

he continue to pull the let go the syringer as he take 50, 100, 150ml out of the lung... and he took too much at 1st.. around 300+ then he n the woman senior doctor saw some rashes starting to form at my chest area and they keep asking me "are u allergic to anything?" i just could say "no" because i really duno wat i am allergic to... so they started to panic and the doctor check my pulse with stethoscope and stop the puncturing...

but then, the senior doctor say continue and the release to 150+ then the rashes gone.. so he say too low.. he took another higher up... and there is resistance.. due to the pressure of the lung then the syringer POP OFF!!! i was so freak out... "WHAT!!!" and i could oni remember the woman doctor say "ok is enough is enough..." the senior doctor say "nono.. let me try 1 more time..let go... and pull in and let go and pull in.." the young doctor oni help him to pull the valve in and out in and out... i was so scary after that incident that i could oni pray that i would be fine after this procedure... but i could still feel the strange feeling when he suck the air out... is like a balloon screwed to the right... if u understand wat i mean...

then he ask me, are u feeling ok? that time, my face was totally blueish and i nearly pengsan... seriously.. i wan to pengsan there... =.=" then, after it is done, he seal the place where he puncture with a plactic cover and went off to discuss... then i was left to talk to the 2 trainees... i was talking deep breath and lazy to talk but they were kindly to stay back n comfort me.. haha... 2 pretty gurls.. =P

they did another x-ray for me after that and left me alone for around 1 to 2 hours... =.="

anyway, they came back and explain that the thg was successful but however there is still mild pneumothorax in the lungs but it will recover by itself. i was asked to stay overnight with given high concentrated oxygen. it was pretty uncomfortable cause i was not used to the condition of taking high conc oxygen.. but however, it seang n jonanthan came in to see me and get me some stuff to eat before they went back with han boon n chon hong came back with the other stuff... but warded in the observation ward was not fun at all.. i hated that place... i couldnt sleep well but i was too tired but i nid to slp... so i took some slp throughout.. but the nurse was very kind to stay up late to take care of the few patients... however, many patients coming in n out that time even til midnite... i was not bothered to reply msgs because i was too tired... (SRY GUYS...)

then the next day i was feeling much better but i got a fever due to the bacteria infection during the injection. but i recover quite fast... then i was taken few BP and they fluactuate quite frequent from 126/55 to 136/65 and back to 124/55....however, i was schedule on friday for the next x-ray and the doctor says that im ok to leave and there is no medication given. it is very fun and at the same time scary experience... lolx..

after discharging, i was not restricted to eat anything but i cant fly or scuba dive or do any heavy exercise or any activity that will excite my lungs so that it will not recurrent again. so, i nid to take care of my body more and well, GAIN WEIGHT.. haha..

i guess thats all for my experience as a pneumathorax in UMMC... it was great and i would really thank all my frens who help me and send sms to me to encourage me throughout this time. well, it will surely be unforgetable and wonderful experience.. but i dont want to be hospital bed-riden again.. LOL... lastly, i will really thank God for everything and to recover fast... unless thankful and greatness to Him. =) i will always know he will be with me... anyway, thats all for now.. chaoz.. =)

Beautiful

Its been a while... (paints and stains and colours)

i know it's been a while since i last posted my blog... i was being lazy actually and kinda busy with the Public Health Campaign (PHC) and things have been moving in the Pharmacy Student Society (PSS). alot of thgs happen and one of the things i really wanna blog about is that attitude that brings me to another level of life as i going throught this phase...

its been hard and i know people have been watching me all the time in uni, cell group, church and stuff... happenings are always clear and u dont seems to be very in touch with it until u really experience it.

one of the phase that comes to my mind about it yesterday (while i was sick and about to slp), i thought of paints and stains.

"stains are sometimes stronger than paints.. we use paints to cover stains... but why would people like to scrap off the paints and just draw somethg to it? why would they wan to expose ur stains? why do they wan to do that to u?"

well, there's lots of diff people around us each day... and some of them are really good frens... they are the paints. oni real frens that will cloth u in ur cold and give u food when u're hungry. but some of them just like to expose ur stains and show ur past wrongs and things that u done wrong towards them and give u the hatred look... i believe the best way to overcome all these... is by doing nothing.

another phase from the previous phase is.....

"there's different colour of paints. but paints dry off easily.. and we nid to change... and some people dont want to change colours... they just like to stick to their own colours and in the end they slipped off and dry away.."

well, people change everyday... however, the "WALL" never change... wat changes is the colour of it. we nid to adapt to the environment... if not we will "dry off". still... some people just cant adapt to it and they will just keep complaining.. and not realising that they are already drying out... that's why we nid frens that can paint us... paint and cover ourselves to reach another level...

i hope u guys readers can get wat i meant about these paints, stains and colours...i shall get my rest and panadol.. hope u like it... chaos




The paint that lost it's colours
The flower that lost it's petals
The fire that lost it's heat
The love that lost it's meaning

A meaning of love is more than a thousand words
But a life with love is more beautiful than a picture
A memory of a day out is better than a thousand bucks
but a bond with a good friend is more precious than diamonds

Tribute to the king...

i guess what he was true.. most of thm i agree.. hehe.. i am a fan of kevin too.. hehe... anyway, i believe michael jackson is a gud man...but some how many ppl just blinded by many of the rumours and wrong news.. some may be true, some may not be.. but he will always be the king of POP... long live the king of pop...



i find this quite interesting and very nice as it really shows that micheal jackson is no doubt one of the great singer of all time. but is really sad to lost one of the best singers we ever had. u can see his influence to these people.. even inmates will just sing and DANCE his songs... imagine... killers, theif, robbers, rapist are all willing to dance for him just 10 hours after receiving the news of his dead. even them will do and give tribute to him. what about us? i dun mean that we shud worship him.. but just for a respect to the King of Pop.

from this video, i think it also shows inmates are still human...some people treat friends or other people base on their status. just becuz they have a black spot on their forehead. does it mean they are forever black? the modern society is really diff. it is more divided and unlike before anymore. people may be very conservative in the last century but still many ppl still look down on many people base on their status. i find prisoners are still human and some times people still deserve a second chance. who are we to judge? i believe EVERY PASSES SECOND COMES A SECOND CHANCE. i get this from a song from Relient K, named Hope for every fallen man.. xD... and finally... "WE ARE THE WORLD" ....



until then... PHC is coming.. more post will be coming up... tiring day of training is exhausting.. tml will be another... chaos~ =)

p/s: did most of the criminal learn their skill from the "thriller"? xD just a joke... look at the video to understand... ^^ see how their show their skills.. xD i bet the guy in the middle is a hardcore fan... he got the moves.. xD

Sometimes we nid to breath~

Lazy June

is been a busy June and exciting one... some feels is a relaxing and funny one... some find it busy and annoying... well, it was a time of growth for me.. and time for rest and fun and learning... a time for changes... a time for a new me... a new life.... perhaps.... moving towards a new beginning....

Home n not home again... i still miss home.. =) no doubt... parents have played a more and more important role in my life now... is becoming more significant... and i learn to appreciate them more... truly love them always... happy parents day and Happy Mom's day and Happy Father's day to both of them.. haha... i know is late to wish here but i did text/call them... hehehe

Since i came back for holidays these few weeks... i realise somethings while travelling... some of my friends, i get to meet them... i get to talk with them... but things had changed... when u look back at the old brownish and old fashion coloured photographs... all those are just memories... u cant delete them... perhaps some of us had really grown much more.. everyone had gone their own way... i did my own too... some trapped... some flew high... some may not be so successful...

some things still remains the same... we may come from the same school, same church before, same kampung or same circles of friends... but everything is just for temporary... we may not be the same in the future... not even tml... some turn bad... some turn good... some of us may not be that close anymore...because we may not spend quality time and sharing together... however, i believe the FRIENDSHIP... remains the same forever..... i miss all my friends... wish u all have a nice trip back to Malaysia and Happy Holidays! =)

ok la...things will be more different from now on...perhaps... Joshua will not be....lets hope for a greater change! from higher to higher and until we reach the highest!! lets hope for a better July!! tml 10am bus back KL... i gonna slp now... until then.. chaos....GBU! =)



My heart speaks....
"everyday i will read your Word
everyday i will pray
For everything i know comes from You
For my life is in Your hands...

i surrender all to You
Letting Go of all my troubles...
Be my Lord and Savior
Forever and ever"

Home in Home

sorry for the so long no update... i was kinda busy with stuff like PHC, examinations and... haiz. resutls.. haha! well, seems like thgs are going so fast that i have barely time to put my fingers back on this keyboard again...

erm.. home is still the best.. best food, best bed, best best best... makes me feel that KL is not my home anymore..haha.. but still i nid to fix my mind back on my studies for the supplementary paper... still got 1 more to go... CANT GIVE UP YET!!!!

guess not much to blog today now... have to help mom.. hehehehehe... im a gud boy...

chaoz~

Brain or no brain?

stopped blogging for sometime.. haha.. due to reasons like exams, busy with this and that but actually all these are just excuses... i did wrote some blogs but i deleted them.. .i duno y but i juz dun wan to blog JUST for the sake of blogging la.. i blog because I LOVE BLOGGING... ^^

ok...not reli much to talk about exams... PK didnt finish all the ques.. haiz.. too bad.. too many thgs to write.. should be enuf to pass unless i make silly mistakes... Biotech was the most horrible of ALL the exams... i wish i could pass and forget about everything on Biotech.. hehe

well, i was thinking about the quiz in facebook lately that i did.. is about the which brain that u usually use and tink. i got the answer that i use equally both brains... what does that mean? means i dun use my brain at all or i am genius that i can tink with both brains at once? i dun tink i am a genius...haha

is like feeling ur brains are fighting and they are like so contradicting but i am using both of them at the same time whenever... i dont really understand how it works but it works.. haha... thats why sometimes i am so confused myself too...

hm.. im kinda confused now wat am i talking about... ok la... now very blur and headache.. slp early and get rest... nitez

Thorns of a soul

Growing out from the inside,
blooms and grew,
running away and hide
away from the pain inside.

it brushes through my skin,
a deep, unforgiven sin,
creeping into my blood,
deeper it goes, deeper it hurts.

bitten by the poison,
infecting my internal organs,
my strength weakens,
my soul darkens.

the thorns of my soul...